So the Lion fell in love with the Mutton (revisiting Twilight ten years later)
Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10

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Lines From The Bedroom Floor

Thoughtful Ferret Reading Challenge 2021

Happy New Year all! Hope you had a lovely New Year’s Eve. I had two drinks, got a headache, and had to take painkillers to make it to midnight. But we did it! We survived 2020. I hope that 2021 is grand for you all.

Without further ado, here is my 2021 Reading Challenge!

I know that some of this is slightly off center but shhhh

A book you’ve owned without reading for over a year – do you have a book you keep putting off? Or one you’ve purchased and then got distracted by other new shiny books until you forgot about it? Of course you do! We’ve all got one or two-enty of these! Get one out of the way and tick off your first challenge read.

An autobiography by someone you don’t know much about – I think this will be a fun way to open up your interests or understanding, and challenge any preconceived notions you may have. Never paid much attention to Marilyn Monroe? Pick up My Story. Know very little about Malcolm X? Read his autobiography. Judged a celebrity without knowing anything other than rumour or tabloid fodder? Seek out their autobiography! If no one springs to mind, scroll through the autobiographies section on Waterstones or other booksites.

A book found in a charity shop – ok, this one might be a little tricky given *gestures vaguely at everything*. Hopefully we will be able to visit charity shops safely by the end of the year! If not, a lot of charity shops now use ebay etc. Otherwise, please feel free to twist this by purchasing a book by someone who works with charities, or a book about charity, or however you can think to twist it!

A play – pretty straightforward, really. This may be far easier or blander for some of you, but as someone who wants to read more plays but never gets around to it, I needed to include this!

A book published the year you finished school – some freedom here with which school (eg primary, secondary, college, whatever!) – just fun to go back and see what was being published in your favourite genres those years!

A book purchased for under £1 (or $1, €1 etc) – challenge yourself to see what you can find in sales or second hand! But this is also a fun way to go on ebook sites and find new baby authors!

A book with an animal in the title – seriously, why haven’t I thought of this one before? The book doesn’t have to be about an animal, I suppose, but just something with one in the title!

A book recommended by a family member/partner/friend – I love a book recommendation (even if I tend to largely ignore them, sorry!!) but maybe actually listen to the wonderful people around you this year!

A book about music – this could be fiction or nonfiction, feel free to take it however you’d like!

A book recommended by an activist, journalist, or politician – preferably one published this year, although not necessarily! Stay (or become) engaged with current socio-political conversations, or strengthen your understanding of current affairs!

Happy reading folks! Let me know what books you pick and what you enjoy! Or any challenges you are completing separately from this!

Much love and well wishes for 2021 🖤

The Thoughtful Ferret 2020 Reading Challenge

Well, here we are. The end of 2020. I don’t need to comment on just what a year it has been, or reminisce. Time lost all meaning and it feels both the shortest and longest year I have known.

At the beginning of this year, I posted my 2020 reading challenge. I’d intended to post here as I worked my way through it, but, well, best laid plans and all that. So here it is, all in one go.

A Book Published This Year – The Betrayals by Bridget Collins

I came across Bridget Collins earlier this year when I couldn’t stop looking at the beautiful cover of The Binding every time I went into Waterstones. Eventually I picked it up and fell very much in love with it, so I was very excited to pre-order The Betrayals. A friend and I had initially pre-ordered it together, and planned to spend the weekend reading and eating takeout together, but of course 2020 had other plans. We did, at least, manage to meet up for coffee and read together briefly.

With inspiration drawn from Hermann Hesse’s The Glass Bead Game, frustrating and flawed characters, and a setting of a beautiful old school set in some unspecified European mountains, this book really got in my head, and I enjoyed every moment I spent with it.

A Loved One’s Favourite Book – The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

This is one of my sister’s favourites, and she has been telling me to read it for an awful long time. I did buy it in hardback last year, but it had sat around my house unread for a long time (as many books do, sadly) due to its sheer size! Whilst I love a big book, I do tend to carry my current read around with me, for lunch breaks etc, and I didn’t want to be lugging such a large book about. Enter Lockdown.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and recommend it to anyone who loves strong female characters, queer romances, fantasy and, of course, dragons. It’s also one of the few fantasy novels I’ve read, featuring many wonderful and strong women, where there is no looming threat of sexual assault, and no character development derived from rape. That shouldn’t be an accomplishment, but it is.

A Book By An Author Most Well Known In Another Field – Bonfire by Krysten Ritter

I have had something of a crush/girl crush on Krysten Ritter since The Gilmore Girls days, through Breaking Bad, Jessica Jones and of course Don’t Trust The B- In Apt 23 (one of THE most underrated sitcoms). I’d bought this book pretty much as soon as it came out but it also sat on my bookshelf for an awfully long time. I’m so glad I finally read it. It was a really fun mystery with a small town setting, and right up my street. I really hope to read more from her soon. (and can we please talk more about the movie Vamps?! The funnest)

A Banned Book – Beloved by Toni Morrison

At the beginning of 2020, I finally read my first Toni Morrison novel, The Bluest Eye. I really enjoyed that and was thrilled to receive Beloved in one of this years Books That Matter boxes. Beloved has been banned in several schools across the US due to its graphic nature.

Morrison’s writing is as beautiful, haunting, and poetic as everyone had promised. I really enjoyed both of these books, and look forward to reading more of Morrison’s work in 2021.

A Book You Studied In School – Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

I had to think about this one and went back to my earlier school years. I remember reading this in my Year 7 English class, right at the back of the South Block, with our teacher Mr Lewis (a legend). It’s an enjoyable read in some ways, and I adored some of the nature descriptions, but after a while it does get boring. I can definitely see the merit of it being used in younger English classes, though. There’s a lot of basic stuff to deconstruct, and a lot of obvious examples of the technical writing techniques taught at that age.

A Translation Of A Book Not Originally Written In Your First Language – A Cat, A Man, And Two Women by Junichiro Tanizaki

This part of the challenge had been weighing on my mind a little, I’d thought a lot about different books not originally written in English. After a while I knew I wanted to read a Japanese novel, as I have engaged very little with Japanese literature. This book sold me by the title – cat lover, duh – but also the idea that this novel is about a love triangle where the most loved character is the cat. Was it because it tickled somewhere in the vague vicinity of home in my semi-recent past? Perhaps. This is a lovely and funny short novel, and I would definitely recommend to anyone who loves cats anywhere near as much as Tanizaki clearly does.

There ya have it! That is all to be said for this year’s reading challenge. These are but six of the 53 books I have read this year (thanks for helping my keep track, Goodreads) so if you want any suggestions, hit me up.

Stay tuned for my 2021 reading challenge, coming tomorrow! But for now I’ll say HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Have a great evening, whatever you are doing! See y’all on the flip side xoxo

The Top 10 Taylor Swift Songs I’m Looking Forward To Being Re-Recorded (what an effing mouthful)

If you know me personally, you may know that Taylor Swift and I have something of a chequered past.

I loved her from her self-titled right up until 1989, when all the creepy alt-right ties came out, and all of the media games just got way too much. So we fell out for a while and I totally couldn’t stand her. This year though, we have made up. We will never be what we once were, but we’re buddies again, yaknow? She’s been playing up to the media less, acknowledged her privilege, been more politically vocal and acknowledged she should have been so in the past. Lover is a cracking album and I adore folklore. I pre-ordered it on vinyl and everything (it arrived this week and is gorgeous). I still don’t acknowledge the Reputation era (or how easily some of my friends bought into that yikes-show) but I also know myself well enough to know that eventually, I will probably listen to it, and may even like a song or two. I’m just holding off as long as I can right now.

Moving on to the actual topic at hand – if you pay much attention to the news, you may know that, in a grossly unfair situation, those first five albums that I loved no longer belong to Taylor. She is, however, now finally able to re-record them, meaning her fans will be able to listen to her old records without putting money in the pockets of Scooter Braun. Whilst not much has been revealed at this point, it’s been very heavily hinted that these will not be copies of the originals, and that the albums will be re-written with new aspects. I just want to talk about the songs I’m most highly anticipating here. These are definitely not my favourite Taylor Swift songs, but the ones I’m looking forward to hearing in a new way.

10. Blank Space (1989)
    Taylor’s middle finger to the media and the public’s perception of her. Whether or not it was deserved, this is such a damn bop, and I bet after the last few years, she’s got some verses to add.
11. Dear John (Speak Now)
    Honestly, this makes the list because it is one of my ultimate break-up jams, and if I remember correctly, is the main reason I started listening to Taylor Swift again during the summer of 2019. I love the build and the resolution, and it’ll be good to sing/shout/scream along to a new version knowing that some skeevy dude isn’t profiting off my doing so.
12. The Lucky One (Red)
    An underrated song and another that I think Taylor would have a lot to add to over the last few years.
13. Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) (Taylor Swift)
    This is just the cutest little country love song, and I think it will really benefit from Taylor’s more mature sound and vocals.
14. Wildest Dreams (1989)
    This is possibly one of my favourites from 1989 and it’s always felt dreamy yet relatable at the same time. I’d love to see what she would do with this now, but would personally love a stripped back version.
15. Fearless (Fearless)
    I mean, this has to be on the list because for me this is peak early Taylor Swift. Running wild and free at 18, falling in love or meeting someone new and being hopeful for whatever might come between you, and that bravery that a new love interest might stir in you. It still makes me feel a little bit magical and I’d love to recapture that anew with her.
16. Tim McGraw (Taylor Swift)
    Ok, looking back at the way we now know Tay and her family used their money and social manoeuvring to get her started, it’s hard to see this as anything other than a clever way to get her name out there. This was her first single and the opening track on her first album, so it’s hard for it not to be up there with my favourites because it does take me back to that place when I was seventeen and first hearing her. I also found this beautiful cover recently by Maggie Rogers which is likely what piqued my interest in what Taylor Swift would do with the song now.
17. Breathe (ft Colbie Caillat) (Fearless)
    This song kinda hits me hard. The sadness of a goodbye with nobody to blame (except maybe yourself) – that empty moment when you realise that it really is goodbye, the softness – I think with some different production it would sound right at home on folklore.
18. Last Kiss (Speak Now)
    To me this is one of Taylor’s early, underrated masterpieces. Those songs that really felt like she should have been a bigger deal (than she was at the time, of course). It’s such a sad and poignant piece and I think we’ve all had that moment of “how can that be the last time I will touch or hug or kiss this person?” so you just keep clinging to it.
19. 22 (Red)
    Okay so really, I’m popping this at number 1 because I’m hoping she records this as 32. I’ve just turned 30 and I need more fun songs about enjoying my age. Also this was a fricking bop, and I can bet she’ll change it up to be even bop-ier.

I know that over the next few months this list will keep changing. I just think that, whilst this has been born of frustrating and unfortunate circumstance, it’s kind of great. There are so many artists I’d love to see cover their back catalogue after a period of artistic evolution. Are there any songs you guys are looking forward to hearing? Or would you rather stick to originals? What other artists would you like to see cover their older albums?

FINISHING MIDNIGHT SUN because I need it to be over.

GUYS I DID IT. I FINISHED MIDNIGHT SUN. THE RELIEF IS PALPABLE. I COULD WEEP OCEANS OF JOY.

The last few chapters were actually some of the best least bad. Do you know what though? I am so thrilled with the release of it being over, I’m not even going to stick to my old format.

SO we left it at chapter 22, ya? We got chapter 23 – “Goodbyes” – Bella does her little so-long performance for Charlie, and Edward and Bella (and the rest of the Cullens) split up for their various roles in confusing/outrunning/distracting James The Tracker.

Chapter 24 – “Ambush” – Edward, Carlisle, and Emmett lead James as far in the other direction as possible, before attempting to ambush him. They fail the ambush and chase him across the country for a bit before they lose him. Alice calls to let them know he’s on the way to Phoenix (where she, Jasper, and Bella are).

Chapter 25 – “Race”  – is arguably the best chapter in the whole book, but that is possible because I have been playing a lot of GTA recently, and the whole chapter is basically them racing against time in a car – complete with rolling trucks and stealing moving cars.

By chapter 26 – “Blood” – they’ve reached Bella and James. Jasper and Emmett get to murdering James, and Edward, Carlisle and Alice get to saving Bella. Edward has to suck James’ venom out of her wrist.

Chapter 27 – “Chores” – does exactly what it says on the tin. It’s basically getting Bella to the hospital and then Alice running around tidying up after the mess they’ve made all over Phoenix.

Chapter 28 is called “Three Conversations”. These Chapter-Title-Worthy-Conversations are: Carlisle and Charlie having a dad chat, Edward and Bella’s mum having a “so you’re dating my daughter” chat, and then Edward watching a video James made of he and Bella having “so I’m going to kill you” chat.

Chapter 29 – “Inevitability” – Bella wakes up and there’s a looooot of conversation but nothing that’s particularly interesting EXCEPT Edward was TOTALLY planning to leave Bella this early on! Yaknow, the whole leaving thing he does in New Moon?? He was already planning it! Wild.

We then have the absolute joy of an epilogue, which is the same epilogue from Twilight. Edward takes Bella to prom but she was hoping he was taking her to get turned into a vampire. Jacob shows up and warns Bella away from the Cullens on behalf of his dad again. Edward refuses to turn Bella and is still planning on leaving her (obviously he doesn’t tell her that bit), then kisses the warm skin of her throat. THE END.

WHEW. OK.

• We actually get some new information in these chapters. One of my favourites is the reason the Cullens don’t just decide to stay in town and protect Bella from James: Alice can see he will literally just start killing Bella’s friends and random people in town until they give up or are forced to leave.
• I always hate the scene where Bella yells at Charlie, but seeing it through Edward’s eyes, where we get lines like “crushing anguish speared Charlie through where he stood” is even more heart-breaking.

• Laurent feels “a strange kind of yearning” towards Carlisle and I guess that’s another pairing that exists in a lot of fanfiction.
• Esme hands Edward some of Bella’s socks and her “scent was fresh and strong”.

• “I shoved the despair away from me before I could start wallowing” – so skilled, so beautiful.
• Edward gives Alice and Jasper instructions for taking care of Bella re food, sleep, hydration, as though she is a pet.
• Carlisle had a waterproof bag to protect his phone. We stan a prepared man. Also he totally would have been a scout leader in another life.
• The car scene is really fun because they all use their various powers to help Edward speed seamlessly. Alice can see one step ahead all of the time. Jasper keeps Edward calm enough to concentrate. Emmett and Jasper can look out the back window and Edward can look through their eyes, sort of, mentally, whilst also looking ahead. Of all the chapters of this book, this was probably the best.
• They do totally drug a woman to steal her car though so???
• Ugh we get to the “I love you”, “I know” scene again and THEY DID NOT EARN THIS.

• Watching Alice run around through time to make sure they clean everything up properly is very fun.
• We learn that Renée basically “shouts” her thoughts.
• The whole time Bella is in the hospital, Carlisle is basically helping out on difficult cases because he is an angel and the only man worth loving in these books.
• Edward acknowledges that God may be a woman.

Edward and Joe have a lot in common now that I think about it

• This dramatic line: “I took her face in my hands again, let the consuming love I felt for her fill my eyes, and lied with all the experience of a hundred years of daily deception”

• Alice totally helps Bella go to the loo and stuff while she’s in a cast.

• Jacob thinks that Bella’s wearing an awful perfume. This is obviously foreshadowing him becoming a wolf, but I would rather ignore that and think that Bella stinks.
• Angela and Ben are “staring blissfully into each other’s eyes” at the dance, and I’m happy for them.
• Edward says “Twilight again,” which, yep, is basically what we just read and a perfect spot for me to end.

And it is o v e r. I am so pleased. I honestly didn’t expect to like this book, but I expected to enjoy it – in the same way I enjoyed the first one, or the way I enjoy watching the dumbass movies, yaknow? But it isn’t even bad enough to enjoy for the most part – mostly because of how repetitive it is. I really think Meyer should have gone with a different structure. Perhaps the main story arc throughout the novel being all the James stuff, then timeline jumps that show us things from Edward’s lengthy past, summaries of his feelings for/relationship with Bella etc. It just… wasn’t engaging enough to warrant its length. I did enjoy the stuff about the rest of the Cullens, and I really hope the next two books are focused on them and their history, rather than centring around Edward and Bella. Am I going to read them either way? Of course I fucking am, because I’m a masochist. Am I going to blog about them? Probably not.

As a thank you for coming on this journey with me, I would now like to bless you with two images.

The first is an image of my sister’s copy of Midnight Sun – she finished long before me and is more meticulous with her tabbing. The green tabs where for whenever she wanted to throw up, the pink tabs were for cute Alice and Bella scenes, and the purple was for when the writing allowed Rosalie to have any dimensions. The blue and yellow are just things that tickled her without nauseating her.

The second image is a rare blessing. Here is a photo of me, at 18, un-ironically loving Twilight. You will also want to know that it was originally posted to myspace, and captioned “my love <3”:

When you judge me for this, please remember I had self esteem issues and kinda a low-key drinking problem (that’s my excuse at least), and then carry on laughing

And now, I thank you all so kindly for humouring me and my weird sense of self-torture dressed up as humour, and I bid you fair well.

Still reading Midnight Sun, still wishing I wasn’t.

Guys. I am exhausted. I am just gonna jump straight in, with a marginally different format today.

Chapter 18: Mind Over Matter

Edward drives Bella home and they talk more about the Cullen’s past and how they all found each other – yet again reminding us that Edward and Bella’s story is the least interesting one in this world. Edward admits to having spied on Bella. Bella has dinner with Charlie while Edward hides in her room, then she turns in early and she and Edward cuddle and talk for ages and she tells him she loves him as she’s falling asleep.

Chapter 19: Home

Edward runs home while Bella is asleep to arrange to bring her over later. He also talks to Rosalie. We get a smidgen of better writing for her, and she says that meeting Bella now is too soon, but she will try to tolerate her. Edward returns to Bella and watches her eat breakfast then takes her to his home. Meeting everyone (with the exception of Rose and Emmett) goes well, and then Edward plays the piano. Then he shows her around the house and starts to talk about Carlisle’s history, leading us to…

Chapter 20: Carlisle

We get a bit more of Carlisle’s backstory – a little more context is provided than in Twilight, but mostly it’s just the same – grew up in London, swam to Paris, spent time in Italy, etc etc. Then we get this really grim bit about the one time during Edward’s human-feeding vigilante years that he killed someone who was technically an innocent. Basically this dude wanted to molest a child and then would kill her, but he didn’t want to and kept arguing with himself about it, but kept planning it. Edward follows him for like a week or two and then when he eventually is about to do it, Edward kills him, and the dude is relieved because he didn’t actually want to hurt the child. Honestly, this adds absolutely nothing to the story, and Edward’s reflection on it doesn’t seem particularly special. It just seems entirely grim and unnecessary. Anyway then Edward continues showing Bella around the house and then Alice and Jasper join them and invite them to the baseball game later.

Chapter 21: The Game

Bella goes home to get ready to watch some vampires play baseball in a thunder storm. Billy and Jacob Black are there when she gets home, and Billy wants to warn her away from the Cullens but can’t break the treaty, but Bella is like “my decision Billy” and they fuck off again. Edward then listens to Billy’s mind as he recalls the day Carlisle called him to tell him they are coming back to town. Bella tells Charlie she is seeing Edward, and introduces them. The Cullens play baseball and Bella watches. Then some new vampires rock up.

Chapter 22: The Hunt

The new vampires introduce themselves – obviously they are Laurent (<3), Victoria, and James. We get a little bit more insight regarding Jasper using his powers to “hide” Bella – basically creating an aura of boring around them. But then obviously the wind blows and James picks up the scent and everyone panics and everything goes to shit. Edward, Emmett and Alice drive Bella off and start planning to get Bella away from James etc.

• Edward sings and he feels cheesy but I feel cringey.
• Edward shits on music in the 60s and 70s and he needs to grow up.
• One of the few things Rosalie likes about immortality is the chance to get married over and over again, and that’s kind of cute.
• Bella’s only gripe with Edward watching her fucking sleep for months is that she’s embarrassed he heard her say his name.

• Edward does a lot of random, weird stuff, like randomly pressing his cheek against Bella’s. I don’t like it.
• I found some bad editing – a sentence which reads “My cynical old self seemed an entirely a different person”

• We learn that Jasper could make a very good hype man.

• Edward is overjoyed that he and Bella rarely need to be separated. As a gal who needs her alone time, I hate this.
• Edward said the line “I may not be human, but I am a man” and I was sick.
• While Bella sleeps, she tells Edward that she loves him “over and over again”. It’s just weird.
• Rosalie is provided with a bit more depth when she and Edward talk which is nice, but too little too late imo.
• Bella jumps into Edward’s arms when she wakes up, and it had me wondering: given vampire’s senses are heightened, is morning breath like 1000% worse for them?

• Edward says to Bella: “You are my life now” and I just….

• He also says it is “enlightening and alluring” to watch Bella eat cereal???
• Ugh Bella passes out again when Edward kisses her. It’s so cringey and annoying.
• Esme is so sweet when she meets Bella. She adores her and is so grateful to meet her and it is, genuinely, cute.
• EDWARD SWALLOWS ONE OF BELLA’S TEARS BECAUSE HE HOPES IT WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS BODY AND HE WILL CARRY IT WITH HIM FOR EVER

• I guess Jasper can not only influence emotions but get high on them?
• Edward calls Jacob a child, which offends Bella because they are close in age – Edward’s reaction to this is “Oh, I know.”

• The part where we see Billy’s memory of the Cullens first coming back to town is pretty cool, and I feel for him a lot. I did always love Billy a bit though.
• Edward and Bella make out again, and we are again reminded that there is venom literally in his mouth when they do and I honestly wanna be sick thinking about it.
• The baseball scene is actually pretty cool and made me wanna play tbh.
• I love Laurent still.
• Jasper and Emmett are both super protective but in their own individual ways and that’s cute
• Laurent being baffled by Bella’s presence is kind of adorable too.
• It’s so annoying that Bella’s first concern, when dealing with James being a tracker, is about the Cullens, rather than Charlie. She does want to protect him when she realises his life may be at risk, but doesn’t really care that he might care about losing her.
• Emmett calls Bella diabolical

Petition to re-make Twilight with the entire cast of The Boys

Can you guys tell just how much fun I am having reading this book? How I am totally not struggling at all?

Reading Midnight Sun and wishing I wasn’t.

I’m going to be honest, this book is quickly becoming the absolute bane of my existence. I’ve currently made it my primary read to try and get through it quicker, but honestly that’s not really helping either. Edward honestly goes on and on and on and on and on. It’s sort of, not bad enough to enjoy in my usual gremlin-y way, and also not at all good, either. I was expecting a bit more difference from the original text, but after a certain point, the scenes are exactly the same and there’s no benefit of having Edward’s perspective too. When we are provided with what feels like a fresh perspective from Edward, it often feels as though it’s our girl Stephenie trying to round Edward out based on the widespread criticism of his abusive behaviour. On the plus side, we are getting treated to a bit more of the Cullens’ backstories every so often, and that’s the main thing that is keeping me going. I think an Edward book would have been far more interesting if it had more of a disjointed narrative – stories from his past interspersed between him meeting and developing feelings for Bella – and perhaps an acknowledgement to the reader that we knew Bella’s story (even if it was done subtly) so less focus on the individual events and timeline of Twilight. It just really doesn’t need to be as long as it is. Midnight Sun just feels repetitive in and of itself, before even considering it’s the same book we’ve all already read from a different perspective, and it feels far more like a task to read it.

With that in mind, obviously I’m not going to stop reading it (I’m far too stubborn, and I really do love the glimpses of the Cullens’ pasts, and the little At Home With The Cullens scenes), but I’m likely going to change the format of this blog moving forward. I don’t have any sort of set plan (this is a dumbass hobby, who wants to plan for that), but today I’ll be covering four chapters, and I’d like to be doing four chapters a go from now on, but summarising them less in depth, possibly with a couple of chapters to one paragraph. My lists will remain, of course, because they’re my dumbest, most favourite part.

You can catch up with the previous instalments here:

—

Chapter 14: Closer

Edward and Bella talk some more – they cover Bella’s mum, first dates, and future plans. Alice realises that Edward might kill Bella when they go out on the weekend so makes him leave school and takes him hunting to try and prevent this. Bella and Alice briefly meet for the first time.

Chapter 15: Probability

Alice and Edward run through Edward’s options for, yaknow, not killing his girlfriend. We get to understand Alice’s premonition ability a bit more. Then they go hunting. Alice has a vision of Edward bringing Bella to meet the family that Sunday if he can manage to not kill and eat her on Saturday. Edward then returns to Bella’s house to watch her sleep for the night and as much as I hate this, it does lead to finally getting some inner monologue-ing of actual interesting stuff. This time it’s a snippet from Edward and Carlisle’s history not long after Edward was first turned. Carlisle sent Edward out on a “challenge” to wander around a bunch of people at some docks without eating them – one of the first times Edward had been around so many people. Edward succeeds but when he gets back to the motel they’re staying at, Carlisle knew he’d pass all along and just wanted an opportunity to surprise Edward with PUTTING THE CHRISTMAS TREE UP BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS AND HE WANTED HIS SON TO HAVE SOME NORMALITY. Literally love this kind and supportive festive Dad. Then they go for a hunt for some animals and bump into one of Carlisle’s old vampire mates. Edward hears one of them think something about how, by never having fed on humans, Edward is “deprived of the greatest joy” which stuck with Edward and would eventually lead him to separate from Carlisle (and Esme, by that point), to go eat humans for a few years. He eventually returned to them as he missed them more than he enjoyed blood, and then brings his narrative back to the present when he realises that he has now found the actual greatest joy of his life – Bella. The probability of Edward not killing Bella goes up throughout the chapter as he resolves stuff in his head.

• Bella’s ma is the worst, if you were wondering.
• Edward says that “surely this was a warped, unhealthy way for her to begin her romantic life” in regards to Bella and himself, but then continues to pursue her anyway obvi.

• Rosalie calls Bella (mentally) a “bat-faced little nuisance” l m a o

• Bella and Alice finally meeting is a bit cute.
• Alice tells Edward that if he leaves town in order to avoid killing Bella, Bella will end up in a very bad place – premonition of New Moon!
• When they go hunting, Alice tells Edward to “live a little” when he’s not going to munch on a protected species. THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT WHEN I MOCKED HIS LAW-ABIDING ASS.
• Edward says of Charlie: “His was a simple life. Nothing serious weighed on his conscience” and I am jealous.
• Edward is surprised that Bella blow dries her hair?
• He totally one-upped my love for ellipses –
  “But if I was right…how exasperating! How endearing!”
  MAKE ALL ELLIPSES GREAT BY FOLLOWING THEM WITH TWO CONTRADICTORY EXCLAMATIONS…Great! Terrible!
• Honestly guys, I was nearly tearing up at the Christmas scene. When Edward came in and Carlisle was all “Merry Christmas, Edward” and then handed him some decorations to join in the trimmings. Top notch fan service let’s be real.
• “He would give me whatever little pieces of human pleasure he thought possible. And I would not be so spoiled as to deny him his own pleasure in this”

• Edward describes someone as “aggressively, forcefully female”
• Edward is “basking, drowning, wallowing in [his] love for Bella” and there’s the melodrama I know and love.

Chapter 16: The Knot

We begin a two chapter, sixty-page long daytrip to a frigging meadow. Edward and Bella hike along some trail talking crap and Bella says something about hating birthdays because of course she does. Eventually the trek through the forest ends at a sunny meadow. Bella enters first and then, nervously, Edward steps into the sun and…

Chapter 17: Confessions

…Bella panics because at first she thinks Edward is catching fire, but really he’s just super shiny and glittery so then she’s ok and says he’s beautiful and stuff. They then spend ages in the meadow with Edward trying to overcome his hunger and get used to he and Bella touching. At one point they nearly kiss but then Edward nearly eats her so jumps back and gets all aggressive and annoying and does this huge display of strength and cringe. Then he calms down and they talk more and he tells us a bit about the day he returned home after his murder spree and how Carlisle and Esme were so relieved and accepting, and how he can feel the same acceptance from Bella now. Then they just talk for ages. I honestly had to stop reading mid-chapter like two million times it was so long and blah. Edward reconciles the monster within himself, accepting that the monster is him and manages to move past the hunger and be sure he will never kill Bella. Then they go back to the truck and they try to kiss but Bella gets too horndog about it and Edward has to stop it.

• On this date, they both wear the same, rubbish outfit. Jeans, white shirt, and a brown jumper. I hate them.

• Edward bemoans that Bella’s responses to him are always backwards. Um you were literally playing mind games with her a few chapters ago.
• You know those lines you just *know* the author felt really smug about? “Her virtue, my vice, the two opposites binding us together” – and it’s so annoying.
• Edward and Bella laugh together for once.
• Edward asks Bella if she’s repulsed by his “fragrant lack of humanity” and I just really like that phrasing. (also no I’m repulsed by your creepiness, not your lack of humanity)
• Edward just starts singing to himself mid date.

• OK the best sentence award goes to Edward:
  “All my love and yearning and hope were crumbling to dust, a thousand centuries of grief stretched out in front of me”
  Yes Edward lad, gimme that angst.

• I literally hate him when he kicks off and has his little display of aggression and then turns into a whiny baby and is all “fowgive me pwease?” – how many scary teenage boys did yall know who did that and we all just thought it was fine or even attractive? When actually NO. Ugh, I know I’m meant to be off my high horse on this but come on lmao.
• He’s still carrying on the Hades metaphor.
• OK I do have to take back one of my earlier judgements on this – it’s not ALWAYS women that the male vamps cant help themselves around – Edward mentions two times where Emmett has felt a hunger vaguely close to what Edward feels for Bella and one is a man, one is a woman. Wait, Emmett is bi confirmed???

he bats for both teams

• CARLISLE MAKES THEM ALL ATTEND THEIR VICTIMS FUNERALS IF THEY SLIP. I do love this man.
• I love that Edward tells Bella that at one point he only saw her as “a risk and an irritant” lol.
• Bella has an impish smile at one point so Edward converting her to the Gremlin cause confirmed.
• To overcome the whole wanting to eat her he imagines himself “tasting her…draining her”
• They literally spend a few minutes discussing how they’re horny for each other lol
• So when they make out, Edward gets an “excess of venom in [his] mouth” and I want to fucking die.

• Edward resolves the chapter by finally being grateful for all he has lived through and for being a vampire, because it finally led him to Bella. I wish I could find that sweet but I just don’t.

Reading Midnight Sun because there’s nothing else to do.

I’m back again, naturally. I’ll keep coming until there’s nothing left of this book. But honestly, you guys, I am getting so bored of Edward bleeding Cullen now.

Chapter 11: Interrogations

We are starting this chapter on a high for once – we find out that Carlisle somehow dumped the scumbag from the previous chapter, who turned out to be a wanted man, around the corner from a police station, and called in an anonymous tip on him. So it’s one rapist off the streets at least. Another abuser Edward then shows up at Bella’s to surprise her and drive her to school and goes on about how hard it is not to touch her for a while. He also goes on about everything being her choice for a bit, which is far too little (and far too late, Stephenie). This is directed at us, the reader, of course. He doesn’t clue Bella in on this concern particularly. He and Bella have a brief discussion about her hiding the depth of her feelings, and then there’s this whole thing about the car Rosalie has driven to school, but I don’t care about cars so I can’t be arsed going into that.

When they get to school, Edward and Bella run straight into Jessica, and Jessica wants all the dirt on whatever Bella and Edward are at this point, who can blame her, right? Edward picks this up from her thoughts and lets Bella know that Jessica plans to ambush her in the class they have together. They have a moderately awkward conversation about what Bella should tell Jessica and agree to tell her they’re secretly dating, but Jessica also wants to know how Bella feels about Edward, and Edward is all like “I’ll be listening to hear what you say hahaha” because, even though he and his family hide what they are from the world, he has no concept of privacy. So then Edward listens in to this conversation and is very hopeful and confused that Bella hasn’t realised how deeply in love with her he is, and blablabla.

Then they go to lunch and Edward can hear that Rosalie has figured out Bella knows the truth about them being vampires because she’s mentally cussing him out. Edward ignores her and grills Bella about the conversation with Jessica and they have this weird intense argument about who fancies who more. Edward also asks if they can go elsewhere on the weekend instead of Seattle, and Bella agrees as long as she can drive. They then talk a bit about his eating habits, and that’s it.

• Ok, this sentence: “Luckily, it was a heavy news day. There was an earthquake in South America, and a political kidnapping in the Middle East.” I cannot deal with that luckily.
• Edward uses a double ellipsis, it’s so beautiful. “And yet I… I wanted…”

• Rob Sawyer, who is a random background character, refers to Edward smiling as “Ugh. Creepy.” So naturally, I am now Team Rob.
• The conversation between Bella and Jessica is just too much. Edward is obviously adding Jessica’s internal thoughts and it is just, so cringe.
• Edward says of Bella “Obvious things, things that made perfect sense, somehow got twister up and turned backward in that bizarre brain of hers” and it’s as funny as it is creepy.
• We have that scene where Edward eats something in front of Bella, but little did we know until now, that he will have to CHOKE IT BACK UP LATER!!

• Oh my god, Jessica’s internal dialogue about dating Mike rather than Edward – “Probably better to stick to Mike. Reality, not fantasy….” (and yes, that fourth dot is part of the text)

• Edward keeps talking about how “hideous” Bella’s sweater is.

• Edward tells Bella she should tell Charlie she’s going out with him, “to give me some small incentive to bring you back”

• Edward yet again reminds us that written law is more important to him than morality.

Chapter 12: Complications

The last chapter started on a high note, and gets real boring real fast. By contrast, this chapter starts on an okay note, gets real fun in the middle, and then remains mostly okay. Edward wants to do something nice for Angela because she was helpful at Port Angeles and is a good and supportive friend to Bella. He realises she fancies someone who also fancies her but they’re both useless. That can wait though, because first we have to endure a page or five of sexual tension between Edward and Bella in Biology while they watch a movie. Then we get back to it, and Edward ropes Emmett into playing matchmaker with him for Angela. THIS. This is the dumb stuff I want to see from secret vampires in High School. We’ve endured enough angsty vampires over the years, gimme that dumb stuff. So they successfully convince this dude Ben to ask out Angela by basically insinuating that Edward fancies her too, but that she fancies Ben but might not wait around forever for him to ask her out. Edward then listens to Bella and Mike playing Badminton and Mike is a jerk and Bella is clumsy so that’s not news. Edward then takes Bella home and they have some more boring conversation and then Edward heads home to face Rosalie. Edward is very apologetic and explains that it was Jacob who told Bella, not believing it himself. Rosalie is all “you’ve changed” and Jasper wants to leave with Alice, and Carlisle goes to talk to him to persuade him not to, I think.

• We learn that Edward is so tactile that he can stroke a soap bubble without popping it.

Replace Edward Cullen with Karl Urban challenge

• I feel like the whole story Edward and Emmett weave about Edward asking out Angela would have been huge gossip, given what we know about that school, but it never seems to be? So whilst that whole thing was fun, it doesn’t really add up.
• I quite like Ben, I will approve of his relationship with Angela, I think. He thinks very highly and kindly of her.
• Mike is so angry and gross. I just can’t with him.
• Edward talks about how he’s basically a shark again, without actually saying that he’s a shark, but he’s very definitely a shark.

I do like sharks, so I’ve decided to be ok with this.

• Jesus, Edward refers to Rosalie as a “beautiful ogre under the bridge” and I want to murder him.

Also,Rosalie may be fit but is she Shrek?

• He does then proceed to give Rosalie a bit more depth with discussing how she desires her humanity back more than all of them, which is what makes her so hostile towards Bella. It doesn’t add up with how he’s previously spoken of her, but I’m glad it’s something. And I know there’s an argument for Edward being an unreliable narratior, but I have two issues with this – 1) I’m not sure we should give Stephenie Meyer that much credit, and 2) he can read minds, and makes a habit of it, so he can’t be as unreliable as most.

Chapter 13: Another Complication

Yet again, Edward goes to Bella’s room while she sleeps. This time his excuse is that he must get used to her scent so maybe he can overcome his hunger and one day touch her. He also listens to Charlie worry about Bella which is almost sweet. In the morning he picks Bella up for school and reminds her it’s his turn to ask the questions. We endure a lot of conversation regarding Bella’s favourite movies, music, food, books, and then we endure some more sexual tension in Biology class. We also find out the other Cullen siblings are betting on Bella surviving the weekend, which, lol. Then Edward drives Bella home and we have some more question time, mostly regarding Arizona. While Edward is dropping Bella home, Billy and Jacob Black show up, and Billy instantly clocks Edward as being a cold one, aka vampire. Edward then goes to visit Carlisle at work, and goes home to spend some time with Esme.

• Edward wants to study the way Bella moves.
• Edward misses Bella’s ugly sweater.
• Remember the “heavy” CD Bella refers to in Twilight? It’s Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park. Bella’s favourite track is With You.
• Unfortunately Bella and I have some similar tastes in films, including the Colin Firth Pride & Prejudice, Empire Strikes Back, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

*changes Tinder bio to “has same movie taste as Bella Swan”*

• The whole Bella listing things she likes section adds some dimension to her that wasn’t in Twilight, even just in the way she chooses to answer certain questions, until….
• Bella is SO Mary Sue-d when she talks about books. She literally lists all the classics that I swear no one her age has actually read more than two of. Just, full of shit lol.
• She calls The Princess Bride book “much better than the movie” and once again she is full of shit. Don’t get me wrong, I adore the book. But the movie is on equal footing. They are different and as good as each other. Bella is too full of pretentious shit to understand that though.

@ anyone insulting any version of The Princess Bride

• Emmett refers to Edward as smug as a general personality trait, and he is not wrong. I’m fully here for Emmett calling Edward on his shit.
• OK Edward says this: “Phoenix was a little too close for comfort to the lands the aggressive  Southern clans claimed, but that wasn’t a story I wanted to get into” – and I NEED him to get into this. I am fascinated. Does this come back in Eclipse or Breaking Dawn maybe?
• Edward says “it’s twilight” yayyyy.
• Awh the way Edward talks about Jacob, they could definitely have been buds, bonding over cars and stuff together. Yaknow, if they weren’t sworn enemies.
• Edward also says Jacob’s mind is easy and restful to be inside.
  

• Edward and Esme spending time together is super nice again, and I would really like more of these vampire-only interactions.

Reading Midnight Sun because I need something to send me to sleep… (RMS Part Five)

Afternoon all! Who’s tired? Y’all tired? I’m tired. I cannot quite believe it is September, but at the same time, what even is the point in having months anymore? Lockdown has quite honestly given this whole scene a new meaning:

I enjoy the very straightforward caption on this video – “Bella feels depressed because Edward left her”. 

Anyway in case you hadn’t realised, I’m back with two more chapters of Midnight Sun for ya. These were not the most fun or enjoyable chapters, flitting between grim and yawn-inducing mostly, but there was a vaguely pleasant surprise towards the end of chapter 10.

You can catch up with the previous chapters here:

Part One   //   Part Two   //   Part Three   //   Part Four

Chapter 9: Port Angeles

First off, even though all of Twilight should probably come with a content warning, consider this a content warning for this chapter. If you’re unfamiliar with Twilight, Port Angeles is where Edward saves Bella from some sexual predators, so there’s a lot of sexual assault discussion in these two chapters, so go ahead and skip this one if it makes you uncomfortable in any way.

SO Edward follows the girls (Bella, Jessica, Angela) to Port Angeles because he’s an entirely rational and not-at-all-problematic human being. He parks in some shade and sort of half listens to them going about their day through Jessica and Angela’s thoughts, trying on dresses etc. After a while, the girls head for dinner and Edward suddenly realises Bella isn’t with them. He sifts through the thoughts of everyone and then finally finds her about to be assaulted. It is pretty grim. He’s listening to this rapist’s thoughts, so obviously we get to enjoy that. We know that this man has done it before and that he enjoys his victim’s fear etc. The other dudes with him don’t want to hurt Bella, they’re just drunken idiots he’s roped into thinking it would be funny. Edward races to Bella and gets her in the car before anything can happen. He then fixates on how much he wants to murder the rapist – whose name is Lanny – for about four pages, and asks Bella to distract him. They then get to the restaurant just as Angela and Jessica are leaving, and there’s a bunch of really awkward interaction where the girls are eyeing up Edward and no one seems sure what to do, but then the girls go home and Edward takes Bella into the restaurant for some food because he’s worried she’s in shock.

We get the whole restaurant scene and both members of staff they interact with obviously fancy Edward and are very rude to/about Bella, because, in case you’d forgotten, everyone is terrible except our main characters. Angela and Alice are only the exceptions that prove the rule. Bella drinks a lot of coke, eats some mushroom ravioli, and calls Edward dazzling. They flirt a bit, except it’s not really flirting because it’s them. They talk a bit more about her theories and Bella has questions for Edward, they also dance around their feelings for each other, though it’s the most obtuse either of them have been so far. Edward starts mentally comparing them to Hades and Persephone, which is the inspiration for the cover image, and then they get in the car to head home.

• I am literally so bored of listening to Edward talk about other characters. Especially the women who fancy him (so, all women). Jessica gets the Rosalie treatment real bad. All she’s thinking about at one point is whether Bella thinks she’s prettier than her etc etc. It’s not remotely realistic.
• At one point he says “When did Bella ever make it easy?” and, well, knowing what’s coming…
  
• Edward is also dismissive of the New Age shop that Bella is dismissive of. Because, obviously, vampires are real and logical, but spirituality is for dumbdumbs.
• All the almost-rape scene stuff I don’t really want to get into, but let me just say again, it’s grim. Not as bad as I may have thought, but still grim.
• After the incident, Edward is very concerned about leaving Bella alone to deal with Lanny, as there may be other psychopaths around. Not concerned about other girls, though?
• Edward starts thinking about the worst men he killed when he had a vigilante phase – which is pretty cool, but also a bit gross, and also, still not caring about Bella sat next to him who just narrowly escaped rape/assault?
• He’s literally sat there “brutality radiating out of me”, fuming his ass off, and orders Bella to distract her. Literally, after a near assault, this is the last thing most people would need, but Bella’s okay with it because of course she fucking is.
• He really just falls into the trap that I have seen an awful lot of men fall into; being more concerned with how their loved one’s assault makes them feel, than how the person who was, or nearly was, a victim may feel. Even if it’s not the intent, men should maybe reflect on this. It’s ok, and makes sense, to be angry, but is that the energy they need to be around right now?
• Okay, I’ll get off my soap box now. Edward refers to school as “the high school”, and I dunno why but it’s so funny to me. Like he’s trying to be down with the kids but about school.
  
• Bella winks at Jessica and Edward is very shocked.
  
• I AM SO BORED OF READING ABOUT ALL THESE WOMEN WHO FANCY EDWARD. LITERALLY. And especially the ones who are brutal to Bella about it – women aren’t all actually like that, Stephenie, calm down!
• Literally it’s just pages of Edward and Bella having a conversation, with every few lines being interspersed by the waitresses thirsting over Edward. It’s unnecessary. We get it. His powers make him a hottie.
• At one point Edward hands Bella his jacket because she’s cold, and I realised that vampires get to literally wear whatever they want regardless of the weather. And the Cullens are rich. I know this is me being a bit slow but really, think of the fashion possibilities. I am so jealous and yet they all look so bland.
• I get what he’s going for, but comparing himself to Hades is a little bit conceited, don’t ya think?
  
• Their conversation was really boring tbh, I think I fell asleep for a few pages.

 

Chapter 10: Theory

The first half of this chapter was kind of boring. It’s literally just that conversation they have in the car, where Bella is all “yeah duh you’re a vampire” and Edward’s like “duh”. The problem with this chapter is that it will never, in book form, compare to the melodramatic iconic mess they made it in the movies. SAY IT, OUT LOUD.

There’s none of that. Basically Bella asks a few more questions about his mind-reading and the fact he can smell her. She then explains that Jacob Black told her the stories about the Cullens that some of the older members of the Quileute believe, and that’s when she knew he was a vampire. They have a conversation about the ins and outs (ahem) of his vampire-ness, they’re a bit more honest about their feelings, and then he drops her home.

AND THEN Edward goes home to Carlisle, still obsessing about the dude who wanted to hurt Bella, and they actually decide to do something about it. This changes the whole book a little bit for me. I was always fucking perplexed at how they’re just gonna leave this dude out there to rape someone else, and they do kind of go into a little bit why it might be a good idea to leave it, but Edward and Carlisle go and “deal with it”. Edward leaves Carlisle to it, so I’m not exactly sure what’s done, just that the plan is not as brutal as Edward would like, but at least it’s fucking something.

Then all too soon we’re back in Bella’s room watching her sleep, only this time she looks cold so Edward snoops and finds an extra blanket to put over her.

• This is the chapter where Bella says “Holy crow!” and that will never not make me chuckle.

  

  First Google Image result for Holy Crow

• Edward “started to wonder if [Bella] was entirely stable” and I would again like to assure him that she is not.
• He talks about the Persephone/Hades metaphor again – “Every word we spoke here…was another pomegranate seed”. Mmm just chill ok? Also I was looking forward to some pomegranates later, why’d you go and ruin that for me?
• Bella pouts and she also cries a little bit whilst looking out of the car window because she’s our baby drama queen.
  
• EW I HATE THIS LINE SO MUCH, YALL READY? –
  ‘”Ill see you tomorrow,” I said, knowing that I would see her much sooner than that. She wouldn’t see me until tomorrow, though.’ Like, just for a second, remove how creepy and boundary smashing sneaking into her room is, how are you building up a relationship of trust with thoughts like this? I just… I can’t.
  
• I think Edward only chuckles once this chapter, and it’s when Bella stumbles out of the car.
• OK, so the reason the Cullens don’t get too involved in human affairs (aka the answer to my rant about them not rooting out racists and sex offenders and stuff) is twofold – their weakness for human blood prevents them becoming too entangled, and the Volturi (vampire church and police essentially) would not be ok with it, and attracting their attention could be dangerous for them. I mean, it only sort of makes sense but it’s better than nothing so I’m rolling with it.
  
• Alice tells Edward not to underestimate Bella ❤
• Charlie is dreaming of fishing!!! Why is that so cute???
  
• Edward basically reasons out the existence of guardian angels because if anyone would deserve one it would be Bella, but Bella clearly doesn’t have one, so therefore they can’t exist. I wish Edward had been in my logic classes, he would have been a great help.

I don’t even have a good list for ya today I’m afraid, things had better start looking up in the next few chapters or I might have to spend my weekend watching the films just to feel something.

Reading Midnight Sun because everyone else is doing it, mum. (RMS Part Four)

I know, I know, I didn’t do my weekly upload on Wednesday, and I’m sure you all suffered that loss greatly. Please accept my sincerest of apologies, and allow me to regale you with two chapters of Midnight Sun today. I’m afraid, even so, it is only brief, but this one may or may not contain some of my best edits yet.

Chapter 7: Melody

Chapter 7 picks up nearly immediately after Chapter 6 (as these numbered chapters are wont to do) with Edward heading back to school after dropping Bella off. He sits in his car for a while and has a scheduled think about Bella and whether she may be attracted to him and whether he would want that. Then his siblings show up and Alice takes Bella’s truck home, with Edward following, and then they head home. We get a little insight of Life At The Cullens (a reality show I would 1000% watch).

I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that this has already been done, but honestly it’s one of my favourite things I’ve made. (Edward had to be excluded as he was off stalking Bella on shoot day)

Emmett and Jasper are playing chess, Alice is working on a “fashion design project for Rosalie’s wardrobe”, Rosalie is watching TV, Esme is upstairs looking at some blueprints for what may be their next house. Edward goes and plays the piano and composes a new piece about Bella sleeping, basically. Esme is happy to hear him playing again, and Alice comes and joins him and sings along with him.  Rosalie gets grumpy because he’d never written a song about her, I think? Esme is all soft and sweet with Edward about how Bella is bound to love him back, and it makes me wish this was just a nice normal book, because some of the moments between the characters are actually quite soft and lovely. Edward then plays Esme her favourite song which is a tribute he wrote to the love between her and Carlisle. This is the closest I’ve come to loving Edward (don’t worry, it won’t last long).

Alice then announces that Jasper’s non-“vegetarian” vampire friends are coming to stay, and Edward panics and tells Emmett they’ll cut their weekend hunting trip short so he can be around to protect Bella. We’re then off on the hunting trip and get a bit of bro time from Edward and Emmett, where they talk about girls n hunting n stuff. Then before we know it we’re back climbing into Bella’s bedroom watching her sleep and “protecting” her from Jasper’s potentially hungry friends.

• Edward says the line “Did I want Bella to be attracted to me, a woman to a man?” as if heterosexuality is the only definition of attraction. I know this is probably me being picky, but on the other hand this is Twilight. Ugh, it just really rubbed me the wrong way.

  

  literally me reading Twilight

• He also describes his love for Bella as coming “purely” and it is not the word I would use.
• Edward stares at his hands for a while – “hating their hardness, their coldness”, so obviously I had to remix my favourite edit from STLFILWTM:

I am

an artist

 

The Original

• Edward resentfully tells us that Emmett and Jasper won’t let him play chess with them anymore (’cause of his powers), but like, it’s phrased in such a way that I don’t think Edward knows that chess is only for two players.
• Emmett has a favourite knight piece in Chess. ❤
  
• UGH LISTEN – I am honestly so sick of how badly Stephenie Meyer has done over Rosalie in this book. It is atrocious – “with Rosalie, it was always about vanity”, “Would she have been a happier person… if beauty hadn’t at all times been her strongest selling point?”, “she seems like more work than any pretty face is worth” – it boils down to “she’s hot and she knows it, so she can have no good qualities”. These tweets put it a bit better, actually:
  
• Esme tells Edward that he is “the best and the brightest of us all” and I just gotta say
  
• Apparently Emmett and Rosalie’s love is “intensely physical” and I still gotta wonder at how? I need some vampire sex ed classes please because as far as I’m aware having a blood flow is an important part of hetero sex?
  Ok I googled it and apparently they do have some blood after hunting and also venom can work the same? I don’t care to get too into the specifics but sure.
  
• When Edward climbs back into Bella’s window, my note literally just reads “I hate him”. Same, Me From Yesterday, same.
  
• “Nothing was right when I was away from her.” – why did I used to find shit like this romantic as a teenager? Why are we romanticising thoughts like this? It’s not even presented as a thought that Edward knows is wrong.
• Edward gets angry at the sun rising lol.

 

Chapter 8: Ghost

Honestly, not much happens in Chapter 8. I guess the chapter title suggests that. Edward lurks around stalking Bella from the shadows as the sun is out so he can’t actually go to school and be seen. He watches Mike ask her out again and Bella say no, then listens to Mike basically replace Bella with Jessica in his thoughts. Then Bella goes home and reads some Jane Austen in the garden (because, of course), gets stroppy then falls asleep, and Edward watches her the whole time. Charlie comes home and Bella wakes up and Edward listens to them chat for a bit, and they discuss Bella’s upcoming trip to Port Angeles. Then Edward goes home, has a mini hunting trip, and returns to watch Bella sleep. The next day he’s going to follow the girls on their trip to Port Angeles, but he hangs around at his house long enough to make an odd impression on Jasper’s pals first.

• Some of the writing in this chapter reminded me that, ok, some of Stephenie Meyer’s writing does almost feel like a classic Gothic novel, and obviously there are shared themes, but then all too soon we’re back to the bad fan fiction elements.
• This time Edward acknowledges that the sun makes Bella happy, so he can’t resent it too much.

  

  Beef squashed for today, Sun

• When Mike asks Bella out, Edward literally uproots a tree in anger/jealousy, which is hilarious, and also what you get for eaves-dropping, creep.
  
• Mike’s inner monologue is almost contrary to the way his character seemed to develop in the books. When Bella mentions that Jessica might fancy him, his reaction is to think about her boobs and appearance, and how she’s not Bella but “a bird in the hand…” – the impression we get in Twilight is perhaps that he’s grown up with Jessica, and that he’d never thought about her in a romantic way because of that, but when it’s suggested by Bella, he starts to see her in a different light. Kinda nice. This is just… gross. It really is a case of everyone else being terrible just so Bella and Edward look better, I guess? #notlikeotherboys
• The above is with the exception of Angela, of course. Cannot forget the good and kind woman Stephenie literally named Angel.
• Edward watches Bella glance towards the “empty Cullen table” at lunch – and, why did he phrase it like that? Wouldn’t you just refer to it as “our usual table”???
• Edward starts talking about how he doesn’t want Bella to see him in the sun, and he calls himself grotesque. I still don’t get this – dude, you glitter. That’s it. Not scary. He also phrases it as “could I be anymore grotesque?” – so I’m just seeing:
  
• When he’s listening to Charlie’s thoughts, Edward says “his love and concern for his only child were nearly overwhelming” – still luv u Cheif ❤
• Edward goes on about how he’s only stalking Bella to protect her and allows her some privacy, unlike Mike Newton who would be a peeping tom if he could. It’s all just, “mnehhhh I’m terrible but I’m so much better than this person, mneehhhhhH” fuck off.
  
• Emmett’s all like “I can’t believe you missed the game last night just to watch somebody sleep” and I’m with him. Get a hobby that isn’t stalking people, Edward.

Welp, that’s it for today folks. Next Wednesday should bring us some exciting, and frankly disturbing Port Angeles content. I don’t know about you, but I am dreading reading the minds of Bella’s potential assaulters.

PEACE

Part Five >>

Reading Midnight Sun because I’m a very unexceptional human girl (RMS Part Three)

Hello and welcome back to another instalment of Reading Midnight Sun.

First of all, some exciting news – I have opened a RedBubble shop! Alongside the intentionally bad edits I like to make for this blog, I occasionally make some shit I actually put effort into (so, unintentionally bad) – I have put a selection of both the intentionally bad and otherwise onto my store. Basically, you can feel just like Bella with these classy stickers/pins of actual words Edward uses about her:

Along with a few lyric prints and stuff:

If you’re not familiar with RedBubble, all of the designs can be put on a variety of items – stickers, magnets, totebags, etc. There’s no restriction to the design. I will say RedBubble is absolutely one of those sites where it’s better to buy in bulk because the postage is way expensive – so I’m not gonna ask you to go buy shit now, just bear me in mind next time you’re doing a sticker order or whatever!

Now that shameless bit of self-promotion is over, the next order of business is screenshots of my sister reading Midnight Sun:

So you can see that whatever this disease is, it runs in the family.

And now for the main event: